Five reasons why God is like my central heating

The Belt household had a new boiler installed in the summer, and very chuffed we are with it too. To be plain, it works. But I am baffled by the thermostat and the way it works gives pause for thought:

I don’t understand!

  1. I don’t understand why it sometimes isn’t working. I get up feeling cold and wondering why it doesn’t know that I like my towel warmed first thing on a morning:
  2. I don’t understand why it works when it does. Sometimes I swear the room must be much hotter than the setting on the thermostat but the pipes stay hot;
  3. I try to control it but with little success. The relationship between the temperature I set the thermostat to and the subsequent temperature in my room is not clear;
  4. I can’t actually tell if it is working (at least not from downstairs). My old boiler used to wake me up with the sound of ignition and then chugged away happily gurgling water inefficiently round the pipes. Now I  press my ear to the radiators to try and hear if something is happening. One day I will get a burned ear;
  5. At the moment I’m a born-again thermostat fiddler, full of zeal and eager to learn. One day I’ll take it for granted and stop noticing it is there. Sad but true.

The old boiler was basically a timed system – we decided what times we wanted it on or off. Very inefficient but it made us feel powerful. The new system, like all new central heating, has a thermostat and decides for itself whether and when to work.

And you know, God is a bit like that isn’t he?